There is something strangely uncomfortable about doing things alone in public. You can be perfectly happy by yourself at home, but the moment you sit alone in a restaurant, walk into a café by yourself or attend an event without friends, you may suddenly become very aware of yourself.
You start wondering whether people are looking at you. You may think, “Do I look lonely?” or “What will people think?” Even when nobody has said anything, your mind can make you feel as if everyone in the room has noticed that you are alone.
The funny thing is that most people probably have not noticed you at all. They are busy having their own conversations, checking their phones, eating, working or thinking about their own lives. We often imagine that people are paying much more attention to us than they actually are.
Part of the discomfort also comes from what we have been taught about social life. We are used to seeing people go places in groups. Friends meet for coffee, couples go out for dinner and families attend events together. Because of this, being alone in certain places can feel unusual, even though there is nothing wrong with it.
Social media can make this feeling stronger. We constantly see pictures of people surrounded by friends, travelling together, going to parties and enjoying life in groups. It can create the impression that having company is proof that you are doing well. As a result, someone sitting alone may feel as though they are missing something.
But there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Loneliness is about feeling disconnected from people, while being alone can simply mean that you are comfortable spending time with yourself.
There is actually something freeing about being able to go somewhere alone. You do not have to wait for your friends to be available before you enjoy a meal. You can watch the movie you want, visit a place you have always wanted to see or sit in a café for an hour with your favourite drink and your thoughts.
At first, it may feel awkward. You might spend the entire time looking at your phone just to avoid feeling uncomfortable. But the more you do it, the more normal it becomes. Eventually, you stop worrying about who is watching and start enjoying where you are.
Being comfortable alone can also teach you something about yourself. You learn what you enjoy without needing someone else to choose for you. You become less dependent on other people’s availability and more confident in making your own plans.
Of course, enjoying your own company does not mean you should avoid people. Friendships, family and meaningful relationships are still important. But you should not have to cancel your plans simply because nobody else is available.
Sometimes, you should go anyway. Sit at the café, Eat the meal, Watch the movie, Attend the event, Take yourself somewhere nice.
You may realize that being alone in public was never as embarrassing as you thought it was. Sometimes, it is not loneliness at all. It is simply learning to enjoy your own company.
Brenna AKARABO
RADIOTV10