For many young adults in Kigali and across Rwanda, living with parents after university or in the early years of work is not a temporary phase, it is a lived reality. Rising rent prices, unstable income, and the pressure to “make it” in a competitive economy have made moving out feel less like a milestone and more like a luxury. Yet while staying at home offers financial relief, it also raises quiet questions about independence, boundaries, and expectations that families rarely discuss openly.
This balance between support and selfhood is shaping a generation.
The Financial Relief No One Denies
Let’s start with the obvious advantage: money. Living with parents reduces or eliminates rent, utilities, and food costs. For young professionals earning entry-level salaries or freelancers navigating irregular income, this relief can be the difference between surviving and progressing.
Many young adults use this period to save for future goals, starting a business, paying for further education, or planning a wedding. In a culture where family support is deeply rooted, staying home is often seen as practical rather than shameful.
Parents, too, benefit. Shared living reduces household costs, provides companionship, and in some cases, ensures care and support as they age. For many families, it’s a mutual safety net.
But financial comfort often comes with invisible strings.
Independence Under the Same Roof
The biggest tension arises when adulthood meets childhood space. A young adult may contribute financially, work full-time, and make independent life choices yet still be treated as “the child of the house.”
Curfews, questions about whereabouts, opinions on friendships or romantic relationships can feel intrusive. From the parents’ side, these behaviors often come from concern, habit, or cultural expectations of respect and accountability. From the young adult’s perspective, they can feel like a denial of growth.
This is where frustration brews quietly. Many young people avoid confrontation, choosing silence over difficult conversations. Over time, this silence can turn into resentment.
The Unspoken Rules That Govern Daily Life
In most homes, the rules are not written but they are clearly felt.
There is the expectation to help with chores, even after long workdays. The pressure to be available for family errands. The assumption that personal time belongs second to family needs. For some, there is also the expectation to financially contribute beyond their means, simply because they are “now working.”
On the flip side, young adults often feel they must justify their choices, how they dress, what career path they choose, or why they are not yet married. These conversations are rarely direct; they surface in comments, comparisons, and well-meaning advice.
The challenge is not the rules themselves, but the lack of dialogue around them.
Boundaries: Respect or Rebellion?
Setting boundaries while living with parents can feel like walking a tightrope. Too firm, and it may be seen as disrespect. Too soft, and personal growth is stifled.
Healthy boundaries do not mean rejection of family values. They mean clarity. Explaining work schedules, expressing the need for personal time, agreeing on financial contributions, and defining privacy are small but powerful steps.
When boundaries are framed around responsibility rather than rebellion, they are more likely to be accepted. For example, “I need quiet time because of my workload” lands differently than silence or withdrawal.
Parents, too, may need reassurance that boundaries do not mean abandonment.
Redefining Success at Home
Society often measures success by independence, moving out, owning a home, living alone. But this narrative ignores economic realities and cultural contexts. Living with parents does not automatically mean failure, just as moving out does not guarantee stability.
What matters is growth: emotional maturity, contribution to the household, and progress toward personal goals. A young adult who saves, plans, and builds while at home may be more prepared for the future than one who struggles alone for the sake of appearances.
The key is intention.
Making It Work
For families navigating this arrangement, honest conversations are essential. Discuss expectations early, finances, chores, privacy, and long-term plans. Revisit these discussions as circumstances change.
For young adults, living at home should be a phase with direction, not a comfort zone without purpose. For parents, support should evolve as children become adults.
Living with parents as a young adult is neither a step backward nor a guaranteed advantage. It is a complex shared space, one that requires communication, compromise, and mutual respect.
When handled well, it can be a foundation. When ignored, it becomes a quiet source of conflict.
And perhaps the most important unspoken rule is this: everyone under the roof is still growing.
Brenna AKARABO
RADIOTV10
